Designing My Dream Job
A mere two months into my palliative care fellowship, I’ve been abruptly confronted with the fact that I should probably start looking for a job. And no, it’s not that I’ve decided that working with death is too depressing or that I’ve been asked to leave because I’m eating my way through the physicians’ lounge. It turns out that the strange product of a one-year fellowship and the protracted timelines innate to physician credentialing is that I’ve barely begun training and it’s already time to plan my next move.
As I often do when facing a new project, I staved off (or stoked?) my anxiety by making a list. On this list, I started writing out each facet that was important to me about my next job, whether it was related to location, scheduling, pay, call, patient population, or lifestyle. This was one of those “think later - just write down everything that’s on your mind” sort of brainstorming sessions. And yet as I looked back over this list, I realized something strange. I was writing down what I thought was most common, or most probable, or in highest demand rather than what I really, truly wanted.
A Shift In Mindset
Recently, I was listening to an episode of The Tim Ferriss Show in which his guest shared a poignant question posed to him by one of his mentors: “How have I been complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want?” Whether you’re of the persuasion of an internal or external locus of control, this can be a fascinating question to sit with. What limitations have you been accepting without question? What do you really want that you’ve been too afraid to ask for? How have I been complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want?
If I’m not honest with myself about the job I really want, I’m not sure how I can expect to find it. And if I’m not willing to ask for it, I can’t really expect it to be offered to me. Stories about the perfect job falling into someone’s lap may be jealousy-inspiring, but I would rather take an active role in planning my future while still being open to those elements of fate. Once you allow yourself to dream and have a clear idea of what you’re looking for, it’s important to take ownership over making it happen. Your dream job probably won’t be spelled out on a job posting that you find in an online search - it may take networking, cold-calling, negotiating, and re-negotiating.
How Much Is Too Much?
So, you might be thinking, perhaps I’d like to work two days a week with no call and make double my current salary. Should I write that down? Well yes, you should, completely unironically. It won’t be possible unless you believe it’s possible. Ask yourself, “If I knew this were possible, what’s the next step I would take to make it happen?” And if that doesn’t work? At the very least, be clear about your non-negotiables, even if other people think you’ve lost touch with reality. One of my mentors in medical school is married to a maternal fetal medicine specialist who decided it was non-negotiable for her that her job would not require her to take any call. They moved to another state to make that happen, but she got her wish because she dared to ask for it and prioritized around it.
Finance writer Ramit Sethi talks about living “your rich life,” which means choosing the things that add value to your life rather than indiscriminately engaging in lifestyle creep. For example, you may not make much money, but you can go to the theater every weekend because you drive a paid-off used car and make most of your meals at home. Do you see what I’m getting at here? Dream big and don’t be afraid to ask for everything, but also know which things you’re absolutely not willing to sacrifice in the process of negotiating. Create your own version of your “rich work life” by finding the elements that make you feel rich, whether that’s rich in terms of finances, support, autonomy, or geography.
The Time Is Now
This morning, I sat with a patient as he told me it’s finally hitting him that he’s dying. He shared the goal that’s been on his mind to accomplish before that day comes, and then he acknowledged that he’s been afraid to work towards this goal because it may not happen even if he tries. It was a powerful moment of vulnerability in which I realized my own reticence to pursue my goals out of a fear of failure. Somehow the allure of control in choosing not to act feels preferable to trying and then being disappointed.
Simultaneously, I was struck by the recognition that the saying is true: we miss 100% of the shots we don’t take. One of the things I love about working with death day after day is that I’m reminded of the urgency, the immediacy of life. Suddenly it doesn’t feel so embarrassing to ask and to be told no, because the alternative is living - or dying - with regret. When I came home today, I skipped vegging out on the couch (and reading my assigned journal article) in favor of planning my job search and writing this article. Because these are the things that make my life rich.
What makes your life rich? What have you wanted to ask for but held back because it’s too intimidating? Coaching can create the change you want to see - please sign up for a free consultation.